Big Day

On Saturday, Toothsome #3 was baptized.  In the Mormon church, children are baptized at age eight.  

I have never personally seen a person be more excited to be baptized than Toothsome #3.  He kept saying, "This is the greatest day of my whole life!" 

My parents flew in from out of town and three of my nephews and niece-in-law came up from Provo (even though it was the first day of finals at BYU) to come and be a part of it.  It was a very special, spiritual day for all of us.  

Basketball

I have never been a big fan of basketball.  I can watch football longer than most of my friends who are girls, but a basketball game has never done much for me.  And, it hasn't been from lack of trying.  I was raised going to a lot of University of Colorado basketball games.  Basketball was on TV at my house a lot.  I have a brother, sister and dad who love March because of college basketball.  But for whatever reason, I could never get into it.

Also, my husband and I are short--really short, short enough that people notice that we are short people.  I have never wanted either of my boys or girls to want to play basketball because I know they will never be tall and I don't want them to love playing a game that they will have no ability to compete in once everyone goes through puberty and my kids are left many inches shorter than their friends.

So, basketball has never been on my or my husband's radar until recently.   While volunteering at my kids school, I noticed how much of recess is spent playing basketball.  In talking with my 6th grade son, I learned that basketball in its various forms (HORSE, Twenty One, Lightening, Around the World, etc.) was THE game to play at recess.  And while watching a few times during recess,  I noticed that in spite of his shortness, he is good.  My eight year old son is starting to want to learn more about basketball too.

So, this week, my husband and I bought a basketball standard.

Guess what?  I am interacting with my kids way more.  My 12 year old son and I have fun playing HORSE together.  We have intense family games of Lightening.  Our neighbor taught us "7 on the Line."  I am a pretty good shot (especially since we have it at its lowest setting at seven and 1/2 feet).  My 12 year old son is impressed with my shooting skills (all learned playing junior high and church basketball).  I can still do a decent lay up and my boys notice and care.  My girls join in and I hear them say, "I made one with 'nothing but net.'"  We laugh; we trash talk; we grab at each other; we come inside hot and sweaty.

So, no, my boys or girls are not going to be playing on any "big" teams.  And, likely, not even a junior high school team, but that is not the reason for this basketball standard.  This is about something way more important.

Thanksgiving Gratitude

I have been reading a lot of blog posts about gratitude.  It got me thinking about the many (almost countless) things for which I am grateful.  And, then I realized there was one piece of advice (big idea really) that I was given several years ago that I use in my life on a daily basis.  It is worth sharing.

I attended a Relief Society Enrichment where the speaker was a friend of mine in the ward.  She started out talking about how when she is pregnant her morning sickness was not just morning sickness but all day sickness.  She then went on to tell a personal life changing story.  When she was pregnant with her third child, her husband traveled constantly and her oldest child, who has autism was struggling.  She also had an active toddler and her morning sickness was worse than it had ever been and she was at the end of her rope.  She called her mom in tears and said, "I don't think I can do this."

Her mom, after listening to her vent, said, "I raised you to know that life was not always going to be easy.  You knew that there would be bathrooms to clean, sicknesses to deal with, heartaches and and other such trials.  You can't avoid them.  But you can control your thoughts when you are going through those things."

She then read this quote: Celebration is the conscience decision to live our lives with joy.  In the midst of turmoil, pain and adversity, in bad times and good, joy is the great companion our Heavenly Father intended us to have.  To feel joy, however, requires a decision on our part--a chosen approach to life, a chosen attitude, a constant awareness . . . To live with real joy we must begin with a personal conviction that we have the ability to change our lives in small meaningful ways.  We must feel we can learn better patterns of thinking, feeling, and doing that will allow us to feel better, accomplish more and rise higher. Elaine S. Marshall

She then talked about when she has to do things she doesn't really like to do (like cleaning a dirty bathroom), she thinks about a favorite vacation she went on as a child.  She said, "I don't even really notice that I am cleaning the bathroom because I am not thinking about that.  I am thinking about this great vacation."

I went home that night forever changed.  Whenever I am faced with things I don't like to do, I think of her advice.

What are some of my tools?

When folding laundry, I often call my mom or sisters and say, "Let's chat while I fold laundry."

I paid $72 annual fee to able to download any of Dr. Laura's radio programs.  I commit that when I am listening to Dr. Laura I have to be cleaning.  It is amazing how easy cleaning my house is when I am listening to Dr. Laura.

I put on the radio (or my ipod) and sing LOUDLY to whatever is on.  If my children are at home, they often join in singing with me.

I give myself a topic and write in my head a speech or talk on that subject.  It forces myself to recall scriptures, conference talks I have heard, etc., as I review that topic in my mind.

I memorize poems.  "If" by Rudyard Kipling is a favorite.  There is so much beautiful poetry out there and it becomes incredibly meaningful when repeated over and over again.

So, in this month of gratitude, I am grateful for the idea of filling my head with good things while I am often doing things I don't particularly like to do.  It has been life changing me.

Toothsome #3 and the answered prayer

Toothsome #3 is always into everything.  He begs to take everything we own apart and I have taken going to local thrift shops and buying old VCRs, TVs, etc, so he can take them apart.

I honestly feel as his mother, I have been very patient, understanding and supportive of his desire to see and learn how things work but I have my limits and Sunday night, one day before Halloween, I discovered several batteries, that I had put away specially for Halloween costumes, missing.  In asking the kids, it was discovered Toothsome #3 had found them and had been planning on using them for an experiment.  He said, "I haven't taken them out of the package but I don't know where they are!"

I stood there dumbfounded.  I then lost my cool and informed him that he would be grounded unless he found the batteries.  (I wasn't completely mean, I told him he would be grounded after Halloween.)  With his very sincere face, he nodded and left the room.

I few minutes passed and I happened to walk into the room where he had walked into a few moments before. He was on his knees praying.  He was asking for help in finding the batteries.  My heart melted.  I then started praying that we would indeed find the batteries, so he would know that prayers are indeed answered.  We enlisted the whole family and they were found about 20 minutes later in the game closet.

Honestly, I was moved to tears.

I am the 53%

In light of what is going on with Occupy Wall Street movement, I thought I should republish this post.  

I am the 53%.

This is one is very personal to me and I debated about having it published for several reasons:

1.  Many people had it way worse than us during school.  We felt very blessed with our situation both during dental school and after.  Yes, it was hard and at times, sometimes really hard but it never felt that hard.  Around us, there were people doing way harder things and we always felt we were so blessed with our circumstances.  Also, many (if not most) of our friends were in the same situation (most were graduate students of some sort) and there is real solidarity when going through something like that together.  

2.  This really exposes some very personal financial things and while a blog is indeed "putting yourself out there", I have tried to keep it pretty light and breezy.   So, this is more intense stuff and I hope I don't offend by what I have written.  I also don't want to come across as authority on frugal living because I am not. 

3.  My husband is a very private person and I try to keep him out of this blog as much as possible.  This talks about "us" which means it also talks about him.  

So, why am I publishing this?  

1.  One of my biggest concerns around me is what I view as people not using good judgement when it comes to money.  I see it on the small scale on up to our government.  It scares me.  As in, it keeps me up at night.  We need more people living within their means and doing all they can to be wise with their finances.  I feel if we do it in our homes, then it can spread to a bigger scale and it can be demanded from our government officials.  I recently voted against a man whom I thought was an excellent candidate in a local primary because I knew what his current salary was and then discovered he still had debt- a lot of it.  With his salary, he shouldn't have debt.  I feel we really need to have our financial houses in order and have tried, with my husband, to live that way.  

2.  Recently I have had more than one person say to me, "You have no idea what our financial struggle is like.  You've never been there."  I didn't say anything but sat down at the computer and wrote this because I was angry--really angry.  The way my brain works, I like to write as if a 3rd person is going to read it.  It think it is from years of editing other people's work.  I write often but rarely submit my things to publications.   My friend Tiffany, who got me to join Utah Homemakers for America, read it and said, "We should publish this."  So I did, after many days of thinking about it.  Again, I hope I don't offend anyone.  

So, for what it is worth, here it is.  

Personal Financial Responsibility by Guest Writer Janice

I met my husband when he was in his first year of dental school.  He lived in the basement home of an elderly lady, whose adult children gave him cheap rent if he would daily check in on her, take her blood pressure, mow her lawn and do simple things around the house.  She lived on the main floor and he was in the basement.

Early on in our dating, he took me to his “apartment” to show me where he lived.  The family hadn’t really cleared out much space for him in the basement but told him, he could “carve out some space” to live down there.  The basement was full of their things, from old clothes, boxes of stored items, camping gear, tools, etc.  They were doing him a huge favor by providing him a roof over his head and he was always very happy about his living arrangement.  He really enjoyed this elderly lady’s company, liked being able to help her and felt forever grateful the family had given him this opportunity to live very inexpensively while he was in dental school.  

He slept on a sofa bed he had discovered in the basement.  He was thrilled it was there because it meant he didn’t have to spend the money to buy a mattress for himself.  He owned one knife, one spoon, one fork and one plate which he had purchased at a second-hand store. His cup was an old canning jar.  He felt bad “intruding” on the woman’s space upstairs and he discovered down the street, about a mile from from his apartment, a church that would let him use their microwave to heat up meals.  He explained to me he had taken out student loans to pay his tuition, books and dental equipment and during his short breaks between semesters, he went home (one state over) and did lab work for his dad, who was a dentist, so he could earn money to pay for food and rent.  

We continued dating and it became obvious that if we got married, not only would I live in this basement with him but that I would be expected to live just as frugally.  By this time, I knew how much student debt we would have by the time he graduated and I was fully on board with this frugal life style.  I did have a college degree in English and found a job editing for local company that took in outsourced jobs from the local university as well as the community.  Being an editor sounded glamourous to me but it didn’t pay well and we lived well below the poverty level.  During our time in dental school, our dates consisted of Scrabble and Master Mind games, bike rides and occasionally car drives but that used gas we needed to get to and from work and school, so we had to be careful.  Occasionally, we would go to a local discounted arcade with five dollars of quarters and play until we ran out of money.  One of our happiest date moments was mastering the game, “Area 51” on one quarter.  We lived on cheap food and at the time, McDonalds offered 29 cent hamburgers on Wednesday nights.  We would go there, order eight hamburgers, eat three that night and save the rest for lunch and dinner the next day.  We loved those hamburger nights.  

During this time in dental school, friends would come over and visit and say things like, “I would never live here.”  We would smile, think of the scary pile of student debt that was earning interest (he had to take out both subsidized and unsubsidized loans) and continue living.  There were times when it was no fun.  Times, when I would drive past the student housing complex and think, “Wow. Maybe we should go move there.”  I laugh about it now because student housing was far from luxurious but it seemed like it at the time.  

My husband graduated, we had our first child and we moved to Utah and he started working for and buying his father’s dental practice.  We purchased a home from his grandmother who was being moved into an elderly care facility.  It was in the Sugarhouse area and was a true fixer-upper.  It was built in 1941 just before World War II.  My husband’s grandparents had lived a frugal life and not much had been done to the home since it had been built.  Our kitchen had original cabinets and 1950’s appliances.  The only bathroom had a bathtub and the shower in the house was a bent pipe with a shower curtain over the basement drain.  My husband’s grandfather had somehow tapped into the water supply and fashioned a shower head from some pipe in the ceiling. It was directly in front of the basement stairs and you couldn’t go downstairs while someone was showering.   The basement was unfinished with the exception of one small room.  The house had its original lead paint, a converted from coal to gas furnace, and no air conditioning. 

Within days after moving into the house, my husband and I sat down with our finances and had an honest talk.  He was making money now but he wanted the majority of his paycheck to go to buying his father’s practice so he could own it free and clear in a few years with little interest paid.  We also wanted to pay back our student loan as quickly as possible.  We had run the numbers and if we paid the minimum amount for our 30 year student loan, the interest would double what he had originally borrowed.  Compound interest is a scary thing and so, we decided to continue our “frugal” life.  We made a goal to pay back the student debt in five years instead of the 30 we had signed on for.   This time it was harder.  We had a child.  I was home all day.  We lived in a neighborhood where most people purchased fixer-uppers, and fixed them up.  I remember coming home from play dates and crying because of the beautiful things people had done to their houses.  We had the money to do it but instead we paid that money to debt.  Again, many people said to us, “I couldn’t live this way.  I would not shower in that shower.  You guys are crazy--a 30-year loan is there for a reason.”  Those were the nice things.  Other people were more unkind and questioned my husband’s ability to provide, commented on my ugly decorating style (almost everything we owned was used), and some accused my husband of being abusive to me by forcing me to live in this fixer-upper house while he paid back “his debts.”  Um, excuse me, we are married; they are our debts and we made this decision together.  

Every once and awhile, I would think, “I can’t live like this.”  We would have contractors come over and give us bids on a shower for the bathroom, a new oven, window coverings, etc.  We would then see the price and think, “Wow.  If we put that money towards our student loans, we could save on interest and pay back our debt faster.  We just can't spend the money.”  And, we didn’t.  

I would also play silly games with myself.  I would tell myself I would take my kids to McDonalds for lunch and then instead, take that cash out of my wallet and put it in our “debt jar".  I did the same with new clothing purchases for me, treats at the grocery store, movie rentals, etc.  At the end of the month, we would take that money and mail it in as an extra loan payment.  

At the end of four years, instead of the five we had planned, we had paid back our 30 year student loan.  And, the same day, we put our house up for sale.  We weren’t completely crazy. :) 

There could have been a million things that came up and made paying back our loans harder.  We had plenty of them, (a flooded basement, needing a new roof, no insulation in our attic, a second pregnancy) but we also know we were blessed.  A major medical crisis could have ruined our plans and that did happen to one of our friends.  My husband’s dental practice thrived when many of our friends in similar situations did not, through no fault of their own.  Owning a small business is scary and really, from month to month, we have no idea what our dental practice will do.  

Life, in general can be hard and full of trials and often financial things hit people unprepared and they can’t always meet their financial goals.  That said, many things can be avoided and we can live our lives in a way to limit those risks.  We can save until we have an emergency fund to pay for those unexpected expenses.  We can avoid debt at all costs.  And if we have debt, including our home mortgages, we can work, scrimp and save to pay our debts off early.  We can say no to our children and tell them they have to earn the things they are dying to have.  We can meet with our children monthly and talk about finances and explain how hard we work to have the things we own.  We can drop our TV cable, not have caller ID, and grow our own food.  We can take our children shopping and show them the difference in price between name brands and generic brands.  We can take personal responsibility and have our financial houses in order.  Peace of mind often doesn’t come easy or cheap but it is worth every penny.  

Nephew to the MTC

This past Wednesday, I was able to take my nephew to the MTC.  He is going to Romania.  Currently, I am having e-mail issues, so I am doing this blog post, so my sister can see these pictures.

Wednesday morning, sword fighting with Toothsome #4.

 Getting ready to leave.  I was 18 when he was born.

 Last meal at In-N-Out Burger

 My nephew with the MTC buildings behind him.

 Getting out of the car.

 Shaking hands with his "host" Elder.  (He was asking questions about if he had his immunization card, did he leave his keys and phone with his "mom",  etc.

 Getting his backpack out of the car.

 Saying goodbye.

 One last final wave.

It is always an emotional experience being part of these goodbyes--good emotional and it brings back so many mission memories.  

Carl Bloch

Today we took our kids to see the Carl Bloch exhibit down at BYU.  Rarely have I been so moved by art.  I have seen a lot of art and I love going to art galleries.  Besides the intense spiritually of his art, there was something about being there with my kids, explaining this religious art and why it was so important to me that touched me beyond the normal art experience.  If you can, go.

If by Rudyard Kipling

I've been on a Rudyard Kipling fix recently.  His poems have been calling out to me as I think about this coming year.  My kids are growing.  We are moving past the raising young kids phase.  I don't like it but to everything there is a season, so I have to acknowledge the passing of time and embrace the next phase.  This poem has been a bacon to me most of my life and I hope to pass the message onto my growing children as well.  As I welcome each year with excitement as well as slight trepidation, I think back and look forward, I find comfort in this message.  Welcome 2011.  

If

If you can keep your head when all about you
Are losing theirs and blaming it on you;
If you can trust yourself when all men doubt you,
But make allowance for their doubting too;
If you can wait and not be tired by waiting,
Or, being lied about, don't deal in lies,
Or, being hated, don't give way to hating,
And yet don't look too good, nor talk too wise;

If you can dream - and not make dreams your master;
If you can think - and not make thoughts your aim;
If you can meet with triumph and disaster
And treat those two imposters just the same;
If you can bear to hear the truth you've spoken
Twisted by knaves to make a trap for fools,
Or watch the things you gave your life to broken,
And stoop and build 'em up with wornout tools;

If you can make one heap of all your winnings
And risk it on one turn of pitch-and-toss,
And lose, and start again at your beginnings
And never breath a word about your loss;
If you can force your heart and nerve and sinew
To serve your turn long after they are gone,
And so hold on when there is nothing in you
Except the Will which says to them: "Hold on";

If you can talk with crowds and keep your virtue,
Or walk with kings - nor lose the common touch;
If neither foes nor loving friends can hurt you;
If all men count with you, but none too much;
If you can fill the unforgiving minute
With sixty seconds' worth of distance run -
Yours is the Earth and everything that's in it,
And - which is more - you'll be a Man my son! 

Another Utah Homemakers for America article

 Once again, I was published in the Utah Homemakers for America newsletter.  

This is one is very personal to me and I debated about having it published for several reasons:

1.  Many people had it way worse than us during school.  We felt very blessed with our situation both during dental school and after.  Yes, it was hard and at times, sometimes really hard but it never felt that hard.  Around us, there were people doing way harder things and we always felt we were so blessed with our circumstances.  Also, many (if not most) of our friends were in the same situation (most were graduate students of some sort) and there is real solidarity when going through something like that together.  

2.  This really exposes some very personal financial things and while a blog is indeed "putting yourself out there", I have tried to keep it pretty light and breezy.   So, this is more intense stuff and I hope I don't offend by what I have written.  I also don't want to come across as authority on frugal living because I am not. 

3.  My husband is a very private person and I try to keep him out of this blog as much as possible.  This talks about "us" which means it also talks about him.  

So, why am I publishing this?  

1.  One of my biggest concerns around me is what I view as people not using good judgement when it comes to money.  I see it on the small scale on up to our government.  It scares me.  As in, it keeps me up at night.  We need more people living within their means and doing all they can to be wise with their finances.  I feel if we do it in our homes, then it can spread to a bigger scale and it can be demanded from our government officials.  I recently voted against a man whom I thought was an excellent candidate in a local primary because I knew what his current salary was and then discovered he still had debt- a lot of it.  With his salary, he shouldn't have debt.  I feel we really need to have our financial houses in order and have tried, with my husband, to live that way.  

2.  Recently I have had more than one person say to me, "You have no idea what our financial struggle is like.  You've never been there."  I didn't say anything but sat down at the computer and wrote this because I was angry--really angry.  The way my brain works, I like to write as if a 3rd person is going to read it.  It think it is from years of editing other people's work.  I write often but rarely submit my things to publications.   My friend Tiffany, who got me to join Utah Homemakers for America, read it and said, "We should publish this."  So I did, after many days of thinking about it.  Again, I hope I don't offend anyone.  

So, for what it is worth, here it is.  

Personal Financial Responsibility by Guest Writer Janice

I met my husband when he was in his first year of dental school.  He lived in the basement home of an elderly lady, whose adult children gave him cheap rent if he would daily check in on her, take her blood pressure, mow her lawn and do simple things around the house.  She lived on the main floor and he was in the basement.

Early on in our dating, he took me to his “apartment” to show me where he lived.  The family hadn’t really cleared out much space for him in the basement but told him, he could “carve out some space” to live down there.  The basement was full of their things, from old clothes, boxes of stored items, camping gear, tools, etc.  They were doing him a huge favor by providing him a roof over his head and he was always very happy about his living arrangement.  He really enjoyed this elderly lady’s company, liked being able to help her and felt forever grateful the family had given him this opportunity to live very inexpensively while he was in dental school.  

He slept on a sofa bed he had discovered in the basement.  He was thrilled it was there because it meant he didn’t have to spend the money to buy a mattress for himself.  He owned one knife, one spoon, one fork and one plate which he had purchased at a second-hand store. His cup was an old canning jar.  He felt bad “intruding” on the woman’s space upstairs and he discovered down the street, about a mile from from his apartment, a church that would let him use their microwave to heat up meals.  He explained to me he had taken out student loans to pay his tuition, books and dental equipment and during his short breaks between semesters, he went home (one state over) and did lab work for his dad, who was a dentist, so he could earn money to pay for food and rent.  

We continued dating and it became obvious that if we got married, not only would I live in this basement with him but that I would be expected to live just as frugally.  By this time, I knew how much student debt we would have by the time he graduated and I was fully on board with this frugal life style.  I did have a college degree in English and found a job editing for local company that took in outsourced jobs from the local university as well as the community.  Being an editor sounded glamourous to me but it didn’t pay well and we lived well below the poverty level.  During our time in dental school, our dates consisted of Scrabble and Master Mind games, bike rides and occasionally car drives but that used gas we needed to get to and from work and school, so we had to be careful.  Occasionally, we would go to a local discounted arcade with five dollars of quarters and play until we ran out of money.  One of our happiest date moments was mastering the game, “Area 51” on one quarter.  We lived on cheap food and at the time, McDonalds offered 29 cent hamburgers on Wednesday nights.  We would go there, order eight hamburgers, eat three that night and save the rest for lunch and dinner the next day.  We loved those hamburger nights.  

During this time in dental school, friends would come over and visit and say things like, “I would never live here.”  We would smile, think of the scary pile of student debt that was earning interest (he had to take out both subsidized and unsubsidized loans) and continue living.  There were times when it was no fun.  Times, when I would drive past the student housing complex and think, “Wow. Maybe we should go move there.”  I laugh about it now because student housing was far from luxurious but it seemed like it at the time.  

My husband graduated, we had our first child and we moved to Utah and he started working for and buying his father’s dental practice.  We purchased a home from his grandmother who was being moved into an elderly care facility.  It was in the Sugarhouse area and was a true fixer-upper.  It was built in 1941 just before World War II.  My husband’s grandparents had lived a frugal life and not much had been done to the home since it had been built.  Our kitchen had original cabinets and 1950’s appliances.  The only bathroom had a bathtub and the shower in the house was a bent pipe with a shower curtain over the basement drain.  My husband’s grandfather had somehow tapped into the water supply and fashioned a shower head from some pipe in the ceiling. It was directly in front of the basement stairs and you couldn’t go downstairs while someone was showering.   The basement was unfinished with the exception of one small room.  The house had its original lead paint, a converted from coal to gas furnace, and no air conditioning. 

Within days after moving into the house, my husband and I sat down with our finances and had an honest talk.  He was making money now but he wanted the majority of his paycheck to go to buying his father’s practice so he could own it free and clear in a few years with little interest paid.  We also wanted to pay back our student loan as quickly as possible.  We had run the numbers and if we paid the minimum amount for our 30 year student loan, the interest would double what he had originally borrowed.  Compound interest is a scary thing and so, we decided to continue our “frugal” life.  We made a goal to pay back the student debt in five years instead of the 30 we had signed on for.   This time it was harder.  We had a child.  I was home all day.  We lived in a neighborhood where most people purchased fixer-uppers, and fixed them up.  I remember coming home from play dates and crying because of the beautiful things people had done to their houses.  We had the money to do it but instead we paid that money to debt.  Again, many people said to us, “I couldn’t live this way.  I would not shower in that shower.  You guys are crazy--a 30-year loan is there for a reason.”  Those were the nice things.  Other people were more unkind and questioned my husband’s ability to provide, commented on my ugly decorating style (almost everything we owned was used), and some accused my husband of being abusive to me by forcing me to live in this fixer-upper house while he paid back “his debts.”  Um, excuse me, we are married; they are our debts and we made this decision together.  

Every once and awhile, I would think, “I can’t live like this.”  We would have contractors come over and give us bids on a shower for the bathroom, a new oven, window coverings, etc.  We would then see the price and think, “Wow.  If we put that money towards our student loans, we could save on interest and pay back our debt faster.  We just can't spend the money.”  And, we didn’t.  

I would also play silly games with myself.  I would tell myself I would take my kids to McDonalds for lunch and then instead, take that cash out of my wallet and put it in our “debt jar".  I did the same with new clothing purchases for me, treats at the grocery store, movie rentals, etc.  At the end of the month, we would take that money and mail it in as an extra loan payment.  

At the end of four years, instead of the five we had planned, we had paid back our 30 year student loan.  And, the same day, we put our house up for sale.  We weren’t completely crazy. :) 

There could have been a million things that came up and made paying back our loans harder.  We had plenty of them, (a flooded basement, needing a new roof, no insulation in our attic, a second pregnancy) but we also know we were blessed.  A major medical crisis could have ruined our plans and that did happen to one of our friends.  My husband’s dental practice thrived when many of our friends in similar situations did not, through no fault of their own.  Owning a small business is scary and really, from month to month, we have no idea what our dental practice will do.  

Life, in general can be hard and full of trials and often financial things hit people unprepared and they can’t always meet their financial goals.  That said, many things can be avoided and we can live our lives in a way to limit those risks.  We can save until we have an emergency fund to pay for those unexpected expenses.  We can avoid debt at all costs.  And if we have debt, including our home mortgages, we can work, scrimp and save to pay our debts off early.  We can say no to our children and tell them they have to earn the things they are dying to have.  We can meet with our children monthly and talk about finances and explain how hard we work to have the things we own.  We can drop our TV cable, not have caller ID, and grow our own food.  We can take our children shopping and show them the difference in price between name brands and generic brands.  We can take personal responsibility and have our financial houses in order.  Peace of mind often doesn’t come easy or cheap but it is worth every penny.  

Utah Homemakers for America

About a year ago, I was asked to join an organization called, "Utah Homemakers for America".  I don't join organizations lightly.  Besides being a member of my church, and the local PTA, this is the only other organization I have joined.  I researched it a lot (from their national web-site) and mostly was impressed with the Abigail Adams Project, and so I joined.  Recently, I was contacted about being a guest author for the Utah chapter's newsletter.  So, for those of you who are curious, here is the article I wrote:

America 101 by Guest Writer Janice

I recently got back from a family reunion vacation to the Outer Banks in North Carolina.  The vacation was to be one of daily beach outings and not much else.  I was thrilled to escape “real life” for a week and planned to do not much more then eat some yummy sea food, watch my kids play in the sand and read some fluff novels I had purchased for the trip.  

We flew into Raleigh, NC and then rented a car to drive the four hours required to get to the Outer Banks.  Before the trip, I didn’t even look at a map because my husband does the driving while I manage the kids.  There are always noses to be wiped, drinks to be passed around and songs to be sung to help pass the time.  Foolishly, I hadn’t even done any research about the area.  I was beach bound and that is all I thought about.

During the drive, I heard our GPS say something about Roanoke Island.  What?  Are we going to drive across Roanoke Island, the island of the first colony of Europeans in the New World?  This was the famous island where John White left from to return to  England to get supplies and when he came back, after a delay of three years, found the colony gone with only the word “Croatoan” carved in the bark of a tree.  I felt my heart race.  My excitement grew and I immediately started telling my family about this major event in American history.  I looked at my husband and said, “We are in history central.  This is America 101.  This is colonizing, founding fathers, and America at its roots.”  I immediately got out my iphone and started researching.

We drove across another bridge and onto Hatteras Island.  The famous Cape Hatteras lighthouse could be seen in the distance. Not only is this the tallest lighthouse in the nation but for over 100 years it sent a beacon of light out to ships to help them navigate the treacherous Diamond Shoals.  

We picked up the keys to our beach house and were told about the Lifesaving Stations on the island.  Lifesaving Stations were the precursors to the Coast Guard.  Along all of the coasts of the United States, Lifesaving Stations were established to rescue ships in distress along our borders.  Groups of tough, skilled men lived on isolated coasts and patrolled and watched for ships in need and at the Chicamacomico Lifesaving Station on Hatteras island, saved over 99 percent of the lives on those ships.  

At one point in the week, we drove to Kill Devil Hills, near Kitty Hawk and went to the Wright Brothers National Memorial and learned all about the amazing birth of powered controlled flight.  My kids became Junior Park Rangers after attending two different classes and walking all over the national memorial set up there in honor of these two amazing men.  A week that was meant to be “relaxing on the beach” turned into an American historical adventure for our family with me giving nightly reports to my family about the things I had learned in this little part of the country and having my children tell me what they had learned from our trip.

As I was on our airplane flying home, this time more in awe of it because of my experience at the Wright Brothers National Monument, I thought about where I currently live, the state of Utah.  I am surrounded by American history and I am obligated to pass this knowledge onto my children. No, it is not 1580s or even 1776 history but it is American history none the less.  Utah is a state founded by people who came here for religious freedom.  In a country that was founded on that principle, they had to leave its borders, set up their own colony and only later be admitted in as a state.  This American history is fact and is just as important for my children to know about as the first colonies,  the birth of flight, or the history of the Coast Guard.  Utah is also where the Transcontinental Railroad had its last spike driven into the ground where finally, east and west coasts were connected and we were made one as a nation through the miracle of Industrialism.  I can explain to my children how government bonds paid for it and how the railroad helped the economy in the west and made traveling across the United States go from six months to just one week--and how science, politics and the economy are all interconnected.  I can take them downtown and show them the City Creek construction project.  I can explain that this is currently the largest construction project in the country and that it is keeping many people in jobs, paying their bills and helping our local and national economy.  I can tell them about how our mayor, at the time this project was announced, fought against the church that was paying for it but at the same time, praised them for helping improve “his” city.  My children need to know how people can praise and destroy freedom at the same time. 

As a mother, I spend most of my days teaching my children about life--from the basics of hygiene, to reading, to Christian principles such as the Golden Rule.  I now realize the importance of taking the time to teach them about this nation.  So, I challenge everyone to gather your children, take them to our local sites, teach them about American history (both old and relatively new) and plant the seeds of passion for this country and its history in their hearts. Let them see both the good and bad and teach them the values of history in our modern world.  The people before us have left us their lessons.  It is our duty to pass them onto our children.   

Forgiveness: My Burden Was Made Light

Rarely, have I been moved by something this much.  I am indeed humbled and will try to be like this man.
Forgiveness: My Burden Was Made Light

Melanoma Monday

Just an FYI: Today is Melanoma Monday sponsored by the American Academy of Dermatology. If you go to this link, there is good info on how to do a skin check and places that will do skin checks for free.

In an unrelated note, celebrate with me on my seven mile run today, done in under a 10 minute mile (9.55 mile). My best time ever and when I woke up this morning, I almost decided not to run. Glad I did. Now, onto laundry.

Vaccines and Autism

My friend Alissa is a pediatrician here in Utah. I have known her for about four years and she and I are very close friends. We read the same books, her daughter, Ella is in my Nursery at church and my husband and I adore her, her husband and child. She just did this blog post about the link between vaccinations and autism. It beautifully explains the history of the MMR/Autism confusion and I thought I would pass it along. :

When Ella was 12 months old I took her in for her year 1 year visit. I love going to my Pediatrician. He is wise and kind and funny and sarcastic. He was one of my mentors while in residency and he still has a larger than life aura in my eyes. But for this particular visit I was a little nervous. Because I knew which shots were given at 12 months. MMR, Varicella and Hepatitis A. And while I wasn't really worried about introducing these into my child's system, there was a little tiny part of me that thought, "What if Jenny McCarthy is right?" It didn't help that there was a magazine in the waiting room graced with her beautiful smile and her autistic child.

I did, however, give Ella all of her vaccines. And Charlie reassured me, as he always does, in his warm, only slightly sarcastic, manner.

It got me thinking, though. I tell my vaccines ≠ autism speech one to ten times a week. And I believe it. But I still worried. In the end I felt very good about my decision, and a little silly for my hesitation. But it's different when it's your own kid. You want to do what's 110% right. Never any harm.

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So if you've ever hesitated, or worried, or not vaccinated your child....I get it. Autism can be scary. And Jenny can be pretty convincing. But I think that in this instance we are all victims of the incredible media hype surrounding this issue. Fear drives decisions, not facts. And when you know the whole story fear is replaced by understanding. So I thought I'd do my own little PSA and share what I know.

The autism story...

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12 years ago there was a gastroenterologist in England. Dr. Wakefield. He looked at 12 children (eight of whom had autism) concluded that the combined MMR vaccine could contribue to the bowel problems, which might be connected to autism. This study got published in a reputable journal, the Lancet. And, bam. The media grabbed hold of the story and it spread like wildfire. The cause of autism. Vaccines. This was huge. (Although it was a little bit of a leap, even for the Wakefield faithful. The article did state, "We did not prove an association between measles, mumps, and rubella vaccine and the syndrome [autism] described".)

Parents everywhere started to worry. Vaccination rates dropped, as low as 50% in some parts of London. Measles rates rose. Children died.

But after the initial hype, doctors started taking a closer look at the Wakefield study. Turns out it was a little messy. There were no controls (normal children to compare t0). Many of the children in the study were involved with anti-vaccine lawyers before the study began, not randomly selected. The methodology was shoddy. And Dr. Wakefield was in the process of creating his own "safer" non-combined MMR vaccine. He stood to significantly benefit from a decline in the use of the combined MMR vaccine.

As it goes in medicine, if there is one ground breaking study, follow-up studies soon follow to see if the results can be replicated. And the studies came in. Dozens of them. Two studies, one by Dr. Wakefield and both with significant flaws, showed a relationship between bowel disorders and the MMR vaccine. But none were able to show a link between autism and vaccinations. None.

One of the first studies came out of England. It investigated the relationship between the MMR vaccine and autism. They looked at 498 children and found no difference in the rates of autism between the vaccinated and unvaccinated children.

A study in California looked at the relationship between the increasing number of autism cases and receipt of the MMR vaccine. Between 1980 and 1994 there was a dramatic rise in autism, but the percentage of children receiving the MMR vaccine remained the same. A similar study was conducted in England with the same results.

One of the best studies was done in Denmark between 1991 and 1998. They looked at 537,303 children (compared to Wakefield's 12). They looked at the risk of autism in the vaccinated children (about 80% of them) compared to the unvaccinated children. No difference. There was also no association found between the age at the time of vaccination and the development of autism.

This past January the Lancet officially retracted the original Wakefield paper. (Most of the authors of the paper (besides Wakefield) had already taken their names off the paper.) They effectively said, "This paper should have never been published." But it was published, and oh, the damage it has done.

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An average of 1 in 110 children are autistic. The most striking signs of autism appear around 12 to 15 months, the same time the MMR vaccine is given. Statistically, if you have 40 million children, approximately 400,000 of those children will have autism. Out of those 400,000 some of those children are going to start developing symptoms around the time they get their vaccines. They just are. Not because of the vaccines, but just because of coincidence. But try and tell the mother of the one who stopped talking the day after she received her MMR that the two are not related. It's a hard sell.

My own opinion is that there is a genetic component as well as an environmental risk factor. The issue is finding out just what that risk factor is. The only thing that I can conclusively say is that vaccines do NOT cause autism. I know this because they have been studied again, and again, and again. But what about other risk factors. Is it microwaves? Hormones in cows milk? Cell phones during pregnancy? I don't know. And unfortunately, the controversy surrounding vaccines diverts attention and resources from finding out what is really causing autism.

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So there you have it. My autism talk. Now, one small caveat. Although they do not cause autism, I don't think vaccines are 100% safe for every single child. There are some children with underlying disorders who will react poorly to vaccines. My cousin's son, a patient of mine, has a seizure disorder. He had a major seizure after receiving his 6 month vaccines. We are holding off on the rest of immunizations until we can get his seizures under control. But for the vast majority of children, the risk associated with vaccines is much lower than the risk associated with the diseases they prevent. And as more and more children are unvaccinated, the risk of vaccine-preventable diseases increases because the "herd immunity" is less protective.

When it comes down to it, my family is the most important and best thing in my life. I try to not recommend anything to patients or friends that I wouldn't feel comfortable giving Ella. I have given her all of the available vaccines, and felt good about the decision. And it hasn't done her any harm. She's a genius. Just ask her grandma.

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Other resources:

I think this is a great article. Her book, Baby 411, is one of my favorites.
Another good one here.

If you want to dig REALLY deep...read the Institute of Medicine Report. All 154 pages.

Skin Cancer Update/Info

I went in for my annual skin exam and learned a few things I thought I would pass on. (I have been to many skin doctors, including a melanoma study at the Huntsman Cancer Institute and am surprised that I learn new stuff when I go in but it seems like I always do.)

--Everyone should do a skin check once a month. More often, you don't notice change. If you notice a new mole after about the age of 30, it is good to go in and have it checked. It likely will be nothing but it should be looked at.

--It is very rare for children under the age of 10 to develop skin cancers. After the age of 10, if there is a family history, children should be taken in annually.

--Anyone who has had a melanoma removed has about a 5 percent chance of having another one. Even with my family history (two sisters who have had melanoma and one with basal cell), my chance only increases a little more than that.

--A new black mole should be taken very seriously, particularly if a new black spot develops in an existing mole.

--Most melanomas start out flat.

--My husband has a 1 percent chance of developing melanoma but after the doctor saw my almost albino daughter, he agreed since my husband fathered her, I was right to have him go in.

I also learned that a red spot on my nose is not just a pimple that has taken a long time to heal. It is a broken blood vessel and if I want it to go away, I have to in for laser treatment. Sigh.

As I type this, salmon is cooking in my oven with a recipe I have never tried before. It will either be excellent or we will end up going out to dinner. I would say we are 50/50 right now as it isn't smelling that great.

UPDATE: The salmon was awesome and easy. 350 degrees in the oven on a cookie sheet with tin foil on it. Olive oil, small amount of liquid smoke and salt and pepper (all rubbed on the top) for 25 minutes. Holy crap. Easy and delicious.

Oh and I ran 8 miles today in 88 minutes. I could have kept running (which is a good thing since the 1/2 marathon I am training for is 5 miles longer) but my 5 and 3 year olds were being very quiet and I had no idea what mess they had made behind me. It ended up only being some spilled milk and a lot of paper cut up into tiny pieces. A very doable mess.

Resolutions

For the last few years, I have had basically the same resolutions. This year, they are slightly different and so I am going to post them.

1. Take better care of myself. I now run at least three times a week, which is much better than I have done in the past, so this is more on the sleep, eat and drink more water vein.

2. Consistently have a clean house. I'm really good about doing a major clean every few weeks and then slowly letting it get bad again. Daily, I need to have everything to good better order.

3. Make dinner more, eat out less. My kids are really at the age, where we need to be sitting at home, around the dinner table talking about the day, reading a scripture verse and just being together as a family. And, I have to quit the regular "lunch" date for myself, where I grab a yummy bite somewhere and then I am too full to enjoy dinner with my family.

4. Less time on-line. It is easy for me to collapse in front of the computer at the end of the night and not interact with my husband and not finish up projects started during the day.

5. Give my kids more individual time. We regularly have family game night, and family movie night but I need to focus more individual attention on each child.

6. Quit doing $25 Amazon purchases. :)

7. Reach out to others more. I tend to isolate myself (which I am really fine with) in the bubble of my family. This is great for "us" but not so great for my kids. I need to make an effort to have other families with kids my kids ages over to our house or invite people to do things with us. While others seem to have great get-togethers where families all bond, we tend to just go off as a family by ourselves (which is how my husband and I both are). I think my kids need more than what we are offering. I think. (Still struggling with this one, if anyone has any good thoughts on this, let me know.)

And, with my husband, we are continuing our plan of going somewhere every time off we have available. This past year, we did local things--like Wendover, and downtown Salt Lake and even more far off places like St. George, California, Bear Lake and Colorado. Most were three day vacations but we did do a few longer ones. We budgeted for it, spent less on other things and every trip was well worth it. The memories we have created and family bonding time we created was well worth every penny.

Memories Tuesday

When I was 21, I was a missionary for my church in downtown Salt Lake City on Temple Square. I spent my days giving tours in English and Spanish.

On Sunday mornings, the Mormon Tabernacle Choir does a live broadcast from The Tabernacle. A few minutes before the broadcast would end, we sister missionaries would stand outside the Tabernacle with our signs letting visitors know that they could get a tour in their own language. I loved standing there with my fellow missionaries waiting for the tours to begin. It was always so exciting and fun knowing we would all be sharing our beliefs to people in many different languages.