Friday, October 30, 2009
Don't Dwell, Do
I have never been one to dwell on feelings. It doesn't do a lot of good and in my short 36 years, I've learned the best way to go about life is just get up and "do."
I've always tired of people who talk about "feeling inadequate" Again, don't feel "inadequate" just go about your life, working hard and you don't have time to feel inadequate.
That said, personally for me, the last month has been a hard one. From managing my four crazy kids, one of them being a very strong-willed three year old who fights with me on everything (like a lot of three year olds I know, so I know there are many mothers dealing with hard toddlers), to trying to be a caring, consistent wife, to full-filling assignments asked of me from family, friends, church and school, I have dropped the ball on many things this month. Dinner has been made in my house, I think 10 times this month, my house is always messy, a job that should take 10 minutes seems to drag out for hours because of constant interruptions from phone, family and friends. At one point this week, I discovered I had cross-scheduled five different things--parent-teacher conference during piano, volunteering at the Book Fair (the one volunteer thing I do at the school because my husband can be home with my kids and I don't have to leave them with babysitters) at the same time as my kid's golf lessons, a piano tuner coming when my kids were doing their Halloween programs, etc. And, just an FYI, my kids are only allowed one musical activity (piano) and one sport (golf/dance). My kids are not scheduled for every whim or activity on the planet. I have been very methodical about this.
At the end of the day, in trying to figure out why things are the way they currently are, I had that crushing feeling of "you are inadequate." It was overwhelming and sat on me like a load of bricks. I am not "that person" and truth be known, it scared me. I honestly, stood up out of my chair to try and physically remove the emotional feeling. (It didn't work.)
Why am I posting this? Because I often am the first person to tell people to "suck it up" and my basic message to the world is just that, "Don't dwell, do." Well, for the record, I get it now. I get how easy it is to dwell and replay over and over in one's head thoughtless things said, get offended and carry that around. I now get how easy it is to not fight back the feelings of inadequacy and let them come tumbling around you.
That said, last night, as I was wiping away my 5th round of tears in 48 hours and I am not a crier, (honestly, ask my husband), I decided to fight back. Lists are in place, a plan is in action and I am getting back my "warrior" feeling. Time to "not dwell and just do." Time to get to work.